Mindset

For most of my professional life, I've struggled with my mental game. The thing with being a professional musician is you're always competing. Competing for jobs, attention, who has the best position... And the auditions, they just weren't my thing. It got to the point where I was burned out and tired. Tired of the judging, the competing, and tired of living off of nothing.

I've always like a challenge. I always want to learn new things or how to do things better. I love discussions and strategy. I knew when violin became a job and not the thing I loved it was time for something new.

I struggled a lot last year with a lot of things like running, life, work, family. So many things all at once that some days I had to look hard to find the joy that I knew was there, but some days hid just out of sight. I knew where I wanted to go, how I wanted my days to look, so I just started doing things. I started taking marketing classes and learn more about social media. I started looking back at each day to find something awesome that happened, and that got me ready to tackle the next day.

The thing that's helped the most has been a book called "Mindset" by Carol Dweck. A friend, well several, recommended it and the more I read about fixed and growth mindsets the more I knew where I belonged. It always opened my eyes to the fact that not all growth happens in leaps and bounds. Sometimes it's small but your determination to make each day better makes those small steps big ones over time.

So this is me growing. I finally know what I want to be, and I'm finally not punishing myself if something isn't right. Sometimes it's just a first draft, which gets you somewhere, but it's not the finished product. I'm not finished yet. I still have a lot of growing to do!