For most of my professional life, I've struggled with my mental game. The thing with being a professional musician is you're always competing. Competing for jobs, attention, who has the best position... And the auditions, they just weren't my thing. It got to the point where I was burned out and tired. Tired of the judging, the competing, and tired of living off of nothing.
You know that moment when you're getting dressed and all of the sudden you notice that you can't button your jeans? It's no secret that running and I have been struggling to stay friends lately. Pair that with life changes, being sick on and off, and allergy issues and I now find myself close to 15 lbs heavier than I was when I got sick 1 1/2 years ago. It's nothing that a little spring shopping can't fix, but it messes with my head.
The funny thing is on most of my runs these days I can tell how much stronger I am from days past. Oh yeah, I'm running again! It's not much. In fact it's more like I'm re-starting from the very beginning. It's also meant changing up when I go running. I use to wake up early and enjoy a run as the city started to wake-up and I loved it. It was peaceful, energizing, and got the day off to a good start. But lately I would try to wake-up early and either hit snooze or get stressed out about going for a run. There were always so many things that seemed more important than taking care of myself by going for a run. Learning to managing my time with my new position with Big Peach Running Co. has been challenging. I would find myself getting up and heading straight to my phone at 7:30am to make sure all of the social accounts were okay or answering e-mails from the few hours I actually slept. Then one day I decided to go for a run after my 3 meetings were done. It was fabulous! Tackling the to-do list at work let me relax and focus more on my runs and even relax a little. I still get up early, but now it's to knock out some work before meetings and then go out around lunch or the afternoon.
It doesn't explain the 3 lbs I seem to have gained in the last 2 weeks, but I know the things I'm doing are going to help me get back to where I want to be. Most importantly I am determined to be strong and healthy.